Since ancient times man is besotted with the mystery of life. Each Individual knows that he exists and therefore always concerned with the question , Who Am I ? Is “ I real or fiction?
Mystics called self as illusory and Hindu scritures called as maya. Such a learning became a conceptual datapoint and did not help in really understanding the entity called “ I “
This article attempts to look at it very clinically without resorting to scriptures or presupposing established concepts. In short without resorting to leap of faith can we unravel this mystery called “I “.Lets begin with a hypothesis that “ I “ is a fiction.
If it’s a fiction then why and how does the illusion of “I” arise. Why is “I’ fictitious? Can we establish that I is fiction?
In our day to day life all our experiences are stored. What we like or dislike or who we met,what we do , what we wear , how we behave, our fears ,our anxieties,our desires everything is ultimately stored in and as memory. All the inputs of five senses are agglomerated into a bundle of memory what we call as me. This memory of me appears continuous just as a movie appears so though it is nothing but collection of frames in motion one by one. Similar to a a mathematicians’ concept of line which is nothing but collection of points one by one giving a visual illusion of line. In short all our past is crystallized as “ me “
Beads of events or phenomena,ideas or response to stimulus strung together on thread of thought through passage of time by the function of memory lead to solidification of functional entity called ‘I’. Such an entity labeled “I’ gains permanence thanx to memory, solidifies to an extent it becomes a rock solid real entity. Though fictional it is a pseudo reality that cannot be wished away. Lets calls this ‘I’ a center. Thus this ‘I’ as a center is nothing but a product of thought. Rather it is a thought, an idea which is our past experience till the present moment.
Dada Gavand an enlightened Guru has beautifully said:
Life has gathered dust on the way
during her centuries of travelling time
Particles of the dust
Have developed into mountain
which calls irself "I"
The brain apparatus and function of memory create a self feeding cycle of ‘me’. Every second every new experience, new insult, new achievement , new excitement, new regrets , goodwill, ill will all get adde up. Layering and layering leading to a big idea about me as an individual. The brain is almost “ I” making factory. The interesting part about ‘I’ apparatus is that it starts operating as a separate entity. Brain is much like a factory which produces fiction of I and then this” I” starts behaving as an independent entity.
Like artificial intelligence. Artificial ‘I’ is born. It gets strengthened & enhanced day by day.
It assumes centre stage as though it is controller. In the functioning of brain this process is necessary for daily living, to acquire skills and knowledge. However it is not necessary to give birth to artificial controller called “ I “. It though happens by default. Thus ‘I’ factory starts up in full throttle and the he fictional ‘I’ gets embedded in memory and assumes a separate role of master controller.No wonder Descartes said “ I think therefore I exist “Such a center is akin to prison wall. Captured inside the center is being of existence. The unconditioned, non individualistic, universal, nameless existence. In an effort to name it is often reffered to as pure consciousness or simply self. Living an existence hijacked by artificial “ I “ is not real freedom. Emancipated minds neither desires nor grieves. neither accepts nor rejects. It is independent of cravings and aversions. Thats liberation
Is there a way out of this process of “ I “ formation? Is it necessary to stop this process of “ I “?
Basically concept of I is like artificial simulated matrix in which existence happens. Such an entity may not find lasting happiness and will always be in a state of flux. This is because it is changing every moment. It is fluctuating so ragingly that it is difficult to identify who am I distinctly. Such an entity will always want to become something at the expense of others and true peace will never be found in a such a state of inadequacy. History is replete with monstrosities of Frankenstein variety unleashed by big inflated I entities like Hitler and Stalin and Mao.
Modern day seer and mystic J. Krishnamurti talked about choiceless awareness as a way out to real freedom. Meditation ,observation and attention are acts of nondoing in which the awareness of “I “ formation is found and spontaneously dissolved. According to J. Krishnamurti in choiceless awareness there is no chooser, no controller no centre, no person judging and hence in that very act of awareness the brain apparatus fails to solidify “ I “.Choiceless awareness is a state where there is no striving. Efforts mean existence of (ego) self and is paradoxical to choicelessness. Choiceless awareness cannot be practised. That very act negates choicelessnesss. It happens spontaneously when the so called self or being is not in the state of becoming. In the state of becoming there is need for achievement. It falls in the famous Maslows pattern of need hierarchy, viz. a rising pyramid of needs starting from basic to highest form of self esteem or recognition.. Choiceless awarenesss is living and living with a flow. There is a direction and yet there is no compulsion. There is a destination and yet there is no fixed end by itself. It happens, so be it. It does not happen, so be it. Discontent does not have a room in such a state and in flowing there is no rigidity. There are no fixed milestones to achieve yet different goal post do pass by.
According to Sri Raman Maharshi" There is no necessity to see the self with another self.
Observation prevents ‘I’ formation just as lack of awareness creates ‘I’ entity. Science too is addressing this question of metaphysical existence through advances in quantum physics.
It is now well accepted that any phenomenon when observed or measured undergoes a change. A mental phenonmenon is enhanced both by indulgence and denial but the same when choicelessly observed dissipates . In that state of dissipation is the void pregnant with existence.
In ancient times Astavakra said "Burn the forest of ignorance with fire of certitude that I am non dual and pure consciousness. abandoning sorrow and bliss. All which have form is false. The formless is changeless. Knowing this truth there is cessation of birth.
( Inspired and based on teachings of J. Krishnamurti
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